I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
