The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
