paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Girls should come with a carfax report
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
