if i can run in heels then i can drive
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
