No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize