I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
