I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
In America we eat man semen.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
