her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
