State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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