I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize