How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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