You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
