ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize