this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
