I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
