I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
