I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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