No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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