had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
