Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize