So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
