He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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