Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
