Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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