He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
