I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
