What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
