This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
