Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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