I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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