Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
