I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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