Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
