Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
