Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
