i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
