I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
