I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
