The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
