She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the room spins SO much faster in panama
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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