i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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