omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
