Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
