Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
