I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
