i permit you to call me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
