yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
