i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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