Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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