its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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