in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
