He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
