i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
