hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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