its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
