kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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