I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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