Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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