Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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