Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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