she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
