did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
