I wish they made helmets for livers.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
