I'm really into asian looking animals
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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