somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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