happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
