worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
