remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
