Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
