I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
