Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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