If i come over, it means nothing
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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